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narrow gender guidelines and a shaming of feminine or androgynous qualities, thus making it even more difficult to show emotions to one s partner. Vulnerability, receptiveness, and surrender of control are states of mind necessary for satisfying and passionate sex, and male partners who are invested in maintaining narrow hypermasculine stances might encounter more difficulty in maintaining long-term intimacy in relationships. In their groundbreaking, six-stage model of male couple development, McWhirter and Mattison (1984) note that at each level men must accomplish tasks to manage the tension between closeness and autonomy, avoiding the extremes of fusion and withdrawal. Stage discrepancy, when one partner is moving into the next stage and the other partner is not, may be a key to conflict in these relationships. After seven years, Kevin and Mario are likely working with appropriate developmental tasks of reestablishing independence while also remaining emotionally faithful. McWhirter and Mattison (1984) found that all the couples in their study that had been together at least five years had a conversation about sexual exclusivity, even if they ultimately decided to keep the arrangement monogamous. Kevin and Mario are struggling with this issue. There may be no topic that arouses greater countertransference in working with male couples than the issue of monogamy. Almost every male couple at some point will grapple with this question, and therapists must be careful not to avoid the difficult conversation out of fear or uncertainty. Admittedly, much of the research on this topic was completed less than 10 years after the first wave of AIDSrelated deaths swept through gay communities (e.g., Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983; Kurdek & Schmitt, 1986). As a result, it is difficult to obtain a current, accurate estimate of prevalence of open relationships among gay men, although some recent research does discuss sexual risk taking and the use of rule making in open relationships (Hickson, Davies, Weatherburn, Coxon, & McManus, 1992; Paul, Stall, Crosby, Barrett, & Midanik, 1994; Wagner, Remien, & Carballo-Dieguez, 2000). There is great variance in the way that gay men conduct their relationships because, as mentioned before, they create their relationships outside the context of accepted societal norms, and also because men are socialized to separate sex and emotion. Research does show that many male couples maintain closed relationships. Others develop mutually agreeable guidelines to keep the emotional primacy of the relationship intact while allowing for extradyadic sex (e.g., not having outside sex with the same person twice, only having sex when away on a business trip, never with a friend, never in our house; Hickson et al., 1992). The bulk of the research shows that nonmonogamous couples do not experience less satisfaction than their monogamous counterparts. Therapists must carefully examine their biases that might interrupt a couple s negotiation of a workable and affirming relationship. Finally, it is important to note that there will not be a single male couple that enters treatment who is not somehow affected by HIV and AIDS. Whether or not one or both of the partners is HIV-positive, the lives of gay
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The editors and main authors would like to express their thanks to the many other scientists from a variety of countries who also contributed signi cantly to the knowledge and ideas within this book. In particular, Ionan Marig mez from the University of Pa s Vasco, Bilbao, Basque Country, Spain for the conceptual model, and Victor Quintino, Jos Rebelo, Maria Ana Monteiro Santos and Ant nio Correia from the University of Aveiro, Portugal. Although only the main authors are named on each chapter, the editors wish to note that everyone involved in the preparation of the book contributed signi cantly, both in the exchange and supply of information, to all chapters.
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